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06 October 2011 @ 02:51 am
Fic: ‘Silver rats and talking babies.’  
Title: Silver rats and talking babies.
Fandom: Doctor Who.
Rating: (G)
Time Period: During Closing Time, season 6.
Summary: The Doctor buys a papoose.

Author's Note: This is quick ‘n’ dirty (for definition see the F. A. Q.).

SPOILERS if you’ve not seen the episode Closing Time. NO SPOILERS, please, for The Wedding of River Song.

I’ve had this in mind since I watched Closing Time and it pestered me until I wrote it.

All characters contained herein are the intellectual property of the BBC & Steven Moffat; I am not affiliated with nor endorsed by them.


Val had given directions to the baby department and he peers at a shelf filled with nappies; goodness, babies needed a lot, didn’t they? Of course, he concludes, they’re human and humans in his experience needed a lot.


He spins around and smiles widely at the young woman. “Yes, that’s me.” He pulls his name badge forward and points at his name. She smiles and he lets go of the badge; the suspender snaps back into place and he winces slightly from the pain. Yes, best not to do that again.

“How can I help you Doctor?”

He claps his hands together. “A friend of mine has a baby.”

“... yes?”

“His baby says he’s not coming fast enough when summoned.”

“His. Baby. Says?”

“That’s right.” He peers at her. “What do you call those things that attach babies to their mothers?”

“A papoose?”

“Yes, a papoose. I’d like one of those please.” He rubs his hands together, looking around as the girl fetches the papoose; he strides to the cash register and leans on the counter. “And have you seen any silver rats?” He asks as she steps behind the counter and begins to ring up the sale.

“Silver ... rats?” She sets the papoose on the counter and shakes her head. She’d heard of him, thanks to George, but silver rats and babies talking? “That’s ten percent off,” she offers, steering the conversation back to something normal. “Shall I wrap it?”

“No, that’s fine,” he replies, picking it up from the counter and holding it before him. “I don’t have any money with me,” he says.

“We can always deduct the cost from your pay,” she offers faintly. “I’ll make a note and send it to accounts.”

“Thank you,” he grins and leans on the counter, peering at her again. “Now, have you seen any silver rats?”

“No Doctor,” she answers; he shakes his head and stuffs the papoose inside his coat. “Should I tell you if I do?”

“Yes.” He straightens his coat and smiles brightly. “Here to help,” he points toward his badge. “I’d best get back to toys,” he offers and she nods mutely, relieved when he walks off.

When he’s gone, she takes a deep breath and smiles to the woman approaching the counter. “How may I help, madam?” At least, she thinks, this woman won’t mention talking babies and silver rats.

She hopes. She doesn’t see the silver blur that zips from the counter to under the nearest set of shelves.
     Mandy: Eleven - Amuseda_phoenixdragon on October 6th, 2011 02:25 am (UTC)
LOL!! That...was perfect! So, so perfect! Thank you!
F. J.: Lantern & Candles: Warmmorethanacandle on October 6th, 2011 02:14 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome!

I can't help but feel sorry for that shop assistant. ;P
     Mandy: Eleven - Cosmic Nine Year Olda_phoenixdragon on October 6th, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
LOL - just a little. A faceful of the Doctor can be rather disconcerting *cackles*
F. J.: Lantern & Candles: Warmmorethanacandle on October 7th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC)
Very, very true. =P
Armchair DM: Matt's Cats: New Toy!armchairdm on October 6th, 2011 12:05 pm (UTC)
I'd always wanted to know when he got the papoose...
F. J.: Lanterns: Warmmorethanacandle on October 6th, 2011 02:14 pm (UTC)
I hope this fits within the episode for you!
Maemae_linda on May 3rd, 2013 02:35 pm (UTC)
“His baby says he’s not coming fast enough when summoned.”

Dying of mirth *g* Very cool!
F. J.: Golden Candlesmorethanacandle on May 3rd, 2013 02:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much; it was a lot of fun to write!