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11 January 2011 @ 01:44 am
Fic: ‘What has been lost?’  
Title: What has been lost?
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: (G)
Time Period: Six months prior to events in tPM.
Summary: Before, and as, she becomes Queen, she reflects upon what has been lost.

Author's Note: This is quick ‘n’ dirty (for definition see the F. A. Q.).

I haven’t watched tPM in months (it’s on a ‘to do’ list) but I was curious about what she might have been thinking before and during the coronation. I also admit I probably wrote this to dust off some 1st person skills that’ve been left to gather dust.

At no point am I saying that Padmé didn’t want to become Queen but she must’ve had doubts. She must’ve wondered quite a lot. And perhaps the below is garbled in many ways but curiosity drove me to wonder what she must’ve been thinking.

It also wasn’t helped by seeing an icon by pearly_gold @ rococo_aquatic (accompanying this story) or any of emiv @ sweet__tea’s icons of Padmé from tPM at any time.

Disclaimer
All characters contained herein are the intellectual property of Lucas; I am not affiliated with nor endorsed by him.


_______________________


Breathe, I tell myself. Breathe. I critically regard myself in the mirror and take a deep breath, to steady rising nerves. I had won the election after Veruna abdicated; as Princess of Theed, people knew what I could, and would, do. I was, and am, trusted. I ...

I ...

After this moment, I will not be Padmé from her small mountain village. Instead, I’ll be Queen Amidala of Naboo; what I want won’t be important any longer. What I must do will be for the people. I’ve not simply been Padmé Naberrie for a very long time. I’ve been the Princess of Theed. I’ve been the person who helped with the Refugee Movement with my father. I was ... I think I was in love with Ian but of that, I cannot be certain. I was only a girl.

As I stare in the mirror and see my face that is entirely white, I realise I am still a girl. How can I be anything but what I am? I am about to be crowned Queen of my planet and all I see is a girl with a white face and white thumbs, as is the custom of my village. How did it come to this? How did I ... how was I elected Queen?

Suddenly, there are hands that are no mine dressing me, guiding me to sit so they can comb my hair over a padded form to make it look majestic. Golden frames adorn my face and I barely recognise myself in the mirror when I have a chance to glance at it. The weight of the plain yet regal red gown can be felt; it is slight but I know there is an over-gown to wear atop this, replete with fur trimmings and golden embroidery. While I still wear this under-gown, I feel I may still ask: how was I elected Queen?

I tell myself it was because I did a good job as the Princess of Theed but I know the answer lies deeper. That I have always wanted to help but did I mean for this by becoming Queen? I do not remember why I studied, only that I did. I don’t remember becoming Princess clearly but I know that my memories are clouded by my impending coronation.

Murmured voices whisk me away and into the over-gown with its trimmings and embroidery. Instead of asking how I became Queen, perhaps I should ask how I will do in this role. Am I ready for it? Am I ready to rule an entire planet and its people? Can I be trusted, as Veruna could not, to hold the interests, the needs of my people close to my heart?

There is a brush against first one cheek and then other; the crimson beauty marks. The brush is then plied to my lips, the bottom of which is white. The colour of my top lip is added and then the scar of remembrance. These have a calming effect – I begin to breathe and not feel trapped by my gown and hair which took away my identity; these give me a new identity. These tell me I am Queen.

At least, a Queen to be.

The weight of the over-gown pulls my shoulders back and someone whispers good luck my Queen by an ear. My Queen.

Am I ready for this?

I follow the path outlined for me by memory; I am too busy concentrating on breathing evenly to pay much attention elsewise. I stop before the throne and give my hand to the governor – Sio Bibble, I will remember later – and repeat the words of faith and allegiance to the planet and its people. I promise I will remember the Great Peace and why it exists. I promise I will not break faith.

It doesn’t sound as though I am speaking but some other, older person. How can that person I hear be me?

Lufta Shif, the Education Regent, steps forward with a smile that says she’s proud of me and I, distantly, wonder how could she be? She doesn’t know me nor I her. She’s holding a cushion upon which sits a red jewel and a golden disc. The Jewel of Zenda and the Royal Sovereign of Naboo medal. One is festooned upon the golden cap I wear with the faceframes; the jewel hangs from a red cloth and rests above my forehead, between my eyes. The medal is given to me and with it in hand, I make my solemn promises once more.

That is not my voice. How could it be when I know my voice? It sounds younger, less responsible. It is a voice that has begged Sola to be allowed to sit with her, to play with her ...

And then I finish speaking the oaths of sovereignty, with the medal in hand, and a cheer resounds through the throneroom. With my head held high, with my shoulders back, I graciously allow Sio Bibble to lead me to my throne. I can hear the cheers echoing outside; their sound comes in through the windows.

Just like that, I dimly realise, I am Queen. The weight of an entire planet upon my shoulders. I feel like crying for the small girl who would swim in the lakes of the Lake Country when my family would come down from our village. I almost cry when I see my parents standing so proudly nearby and see the awesome respect in their eyes.

I am the Queen.

What have I lost by becoming Queen?
 
 
 
Armchair DM: Igor: Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!armchairdm on January 11th, 2011 09:17 am (UTC)
I've always wondered what she was thinking before she got crowned at such a young age. I think you've captured her perfectly; as always.
F. J.: Lanterns: Warmmorethanacandle on January 11th, 2011 09:42 am (UTC)
And knowing this character, I'm probably 'far off' for what she's thinking!

And thank you; I'm never certain about whether I capture her well at this age.