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01 March 2010 @ 04:51 am
Fic: ‘Everyone but him.’  
Title: Everyone but him.
Fandom: Blackpool (TV).
Rating: (G)
Time Period: Episode 5.
Summary: Everyone but him was put first.

Author's Note: This is quick ‘n’ dirty (for definition see the F. A. Q. or check this post for the definition).

After watching Blackpool for the first time in a while, I felt I had to write this moment. I wanted to delve into what he was thinking, what he was showing through his actions but was never really said.

Disclaimer
All characters contained herein are the intellectual property of Peter Bowker; I am not affiliated with nor endorsed by them.


_______________________



“How did you know the time?”
“The World Service was on. 4AM business report.”


He remembered staring at her dumbfoundedly as his heart shattered and dropped, small stones, to the pit of his stomach so hard that he’d almost thrown up. Then there’d been hope again but that’d been smashed when she’d said she wouldn’t leave Ripley. She’d just left and he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even blink.

Why the hell couldn’t he leave the damned town?

The answer was swift and simple: because Natalie was here. He wanted to leave but he stayed for her. He should leave. He knew he had to. What had DC Blythe said earlier? He was leading with his dick?

Natalie would never leave Ripley and he knew it was her loyalty talking and the way she put everyone else first. Everyone but him. She was stealing pieces of him each time she came back to him. Breaking him every time she ran away or said no. And he kept lettin’ her. That was the truly stupid thing. He kept letting her do it.

He wished he could cry, that somewhere inside something would melt and he could have a good cry, give the case to Blythe and leave. Hadn’t he told her that earlier, that he’d leave, that he’d already handed the case over and was going?

He couldn’t remember because his thoughts kept swirling endlessly around one thing: she had left and he had let her. He had to leave this town, leave Ripley Holden and his beautiful wife –

Who was he kidding? He could never leave and tell himself that everything that’d happened had been all a dream. The twisting in his stomach told him it wasn’t. This numbing misery that had seized hold and frozen him told him it wasn’t. His heart told him with each traitorous throb told him it wasn’t.

Why couldn’t he leave? Forget that. Why couldn’t he breathe without it hurting? Why couldn’t he fool himself into thinking that he could ask why and how and where all this pain was coming from?

She had left. She wasn’t coming back. She always did but this time ... this time he couldn’t even picture her coming back and saying sorry, telling him she loved him and that she was sorry. She put everyone before herself and him. Everyone else but him. That was all that mattered. Everyone but him.

His breath caught in his chest. His heart beat against his ribs, a traitor to his emotional pain; why couldn’t it stop and shut up while he was hurting so damned much? Why the hell did he still love her?

Evening passed into night and night into early morning. The lights burned overhead and he lay there, waiting for the pain to fade.

It never did and never would.
 
 
 
Armchair DM: Carson: No no no AIEEE!!armchairdm on March 1st, 2010 12:18 am (UTC)
Oh this is tragic! Good tragic; but still!
F. J.: Lanterns: Warmmorethanacandle on March 1st, 2010 09:56 am (UTC)
Thank you.