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23 February 2010 @ 02:19 am
Fic: ‘Is this how I will be remembered?’  
Title: Is this how I will be remembered?
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: (G)
Time Period: During tPM, just before the invasion.
Summary: The Queen reflects within a quiet moment.

Author's Note: This is quick ‘n’ dirty (for definition see the F. A. Q. or check this post for the definition).

I haven’t watched tPM in awhile but I’ve got this image in my mind of Padmé standing at the window and have had it there for a small while. I also wanted to keep my 1st person skills practiced, so, I finally wrote what I thought she might be thinking during this scene – the calm before the Trade Federation storm (the invasion).

Disclaimer
All characters contained herein are the intellectual property of Lucas; I am not affiliated with nor endorsed by him.


_______________________


Is this how I will be remembered – as the Queen who destroyed the Great Peace? The Trade Federation will not leave any stone unturned in their attempts to invade and if the Jedi have failed, then all is lost.

Our - my - hopes were pinned upon the arrival of two Jedi sent by the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic to speak to the Viceroy but the Trade Federation has just informed us that the Jedi did not arrive, that our - my - hopes for a peaceful solution were for nothing.

My heart seeks to leap into my throat but I cannot allow that fear to rise, that panic to take hold; I must remain strong for my people. I must hold onto the calm confidence I have used in my dealings with the Trade Federation and the council throughout this affair. I must maintain appearances. I must look strong even if I do not feel it within that treacherous throat-leaping heart.

I will do anything for my people and that includes not breaking the Great Peace. We should not have to abandon our way of life in order to protect it. But the Viceroy refuses to open avenues of communication in order to negotiate a treaty that would be beneficial for all involved. I do not know why he refuses and his only communications have been to threaten invasion if I do not sign his treaty that would legalise his incursions upon my people. I will not sign that treaty. I do not want to make his inexcusable behaviour appear legitimate. I cannot give in.

I will never give in to their demands.

Light steals in through the window as though afraid to be seen and I tilt my head upward to receive its warmth and if I felt comfortable to do so, I would fold my arms about myself simply to impart strength of any kind so I can face this day and whatever it brings. My people look to me, their Queen, to be strong, to be calm and confident in the face of the Trade Federation that have blockaded my planet against the rules of law. Do they even understand law and its implications as well as its consequences?

The question is redundant for I know they do which is why they would have me sign the treaty to legitimise their actions.

I close my eyes. I am to be strong. I am the Queen of the Naboo who is the guardian of her people in this crisis. I will never give in. But, I have to admit, I am scared. I don’t know if what I am doing is right. My people grow hungry and I cannot give them food for there is not more; I can only help them by refusing to allow the Trade Federation to intimidate me, newly elected to my position. Is my inexperience the reason they have come?

I must decide on this matter and at the moment, my course of action has been to ask myself: is this how I will be remembered?

I do not know how I will be remembered; that is not a question I can truthfully answer, no matter how much I desire to know what that answer will be. It is an answer that only those who come after me will know, what they will learn in their history lessons for I know this will be considered history to learn.

I -

“Your Majesty, the Council have resumed their seats and await you.”

I nod slightly to the Handmaiden, to show I have heard what she has said, and open my eyes once again to look upon the courtyard below and know that my people are in their homes. It is eerily quiet in Theed and it disturbs my heart with questions I cannot voice aloud. I must remain strong. I must remain calm and confident.

The Jedi have failed and with that thought, my heart sinks, no longer desiring to be in my throat.

I lower my head and turn, only to look upon the Handmaiden who falls into step behind me when I walk to the chamber where the Council waits.

I hope my strength will last. I hope I can be the Queen history will remember as not giving in to those who would intimidate, and possibly attack, a peaceful world.

I will not give in. I will not be weak. I will remain calm, confident and strong.

There are things I will not do and I hope we will survive this encounter with the Great Peace intact.
 
 
 
pronker: curlingpronker on February 23rd, 2010 06:10 am (UTC)
She's strong and thinking Queenly thoughts, very nice and I liked her thinking about her dependence on the Jedi and going on, even after she thinks that their mission to Naboo has failed.
F. J.: Lantern & Candles: Warmmorethanacandle on February 23rd, 2010 11:00 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Lumy: AniPadmeAngstluminations on February 24th, 2010 10:49 pm (UTC)
The Coldplay lyric "who would ever want to be king" comes to mind. Not me, certainly! She has the weight of her world on her shoulders... portrayed nicely here. Good job with this vignette :)
F. J.: Golden Candlesmorethanacandle on February 24th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)
The Coldplay lyric "who would ever want to be king"
If you don’t mind my asking, what song is that from?

portrayed nicely here. Good job with this vignette :)
Thank you! I’ve not written her as the Queen like this previously and it’s a relief to know that the portrayal isn’t at all as bad as I’d thought.

Edited at 2010-02-24 11:37 pm (UTC)
Lumy: AniPadme1luminations on February 24th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
It's from "Viva La Vida" which came out 2 years ago. Awesome song!
F. J.: Golden Candlesmorethanacandle on February 24th, 2010 11:47 pm (UTC)
I'll have to check it out, thank you!
C.: padme-warrior-queenchameleon_irony on February 25th, 2010 12:12 pm (UTC)
This is very good! Her thoughts sound mature and strong, just the way I imagined. I especially like how you describe her feeling of fear as a sensation of "heart in her throat", and how she repeats to herself that she must be strong and calm.
F. J.: Three candlesmorethanacandle on February 25th, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC)
I wasn’t certain how she would soon, or appear, to anyone else as I’ve not written for Padmé in her role as the Queen before. I’m really glad this story conveyed that to you.

I especially like how you describe her feeling of fear as a sensation of "heart in her throat", and how she repeats to herself that she must be strong and calm.
I wasn’t certain if those aspects of the story would work so it’s good to hear that they did!

Thank you very kindly for taking the time to read and comment!
Armchair DMarmchairdm on February 25th, 2010 12:27 pm (UTC)
I like this. I really like the insight into Padme's mind pre Phantom Menace. It's one reason I prefer books in some ways - you can so much easier see what the character's thinking.
F. J.: Lanterns: Warmmorethanacandle on February 25th, 2010 01:47 pm (UTC)
pre Phantom Menace.
Pre-tPM?
Armchair DMarmchairdm on February 28th, 2010 11:52 pm (UTC)
Well; it's before we see her there anyway.
F. J.: Lanterns: Warmmorethanacandle on March 1st, 2010 09:55 am (UTC)
It's after we see her in the film.